The Messiness of Love in Real Life
One of the benefits of the information age is the wealth of resources right at our fingertips.
There is more information about healthy relationships out there than ever before.
A quick search on boundaries, communication, red/green flags will bring up a host of resources.
While this is wonderful progress. It can also be overwhelming and confusing to navigate this wealth of information as you seek to apply it to your own life.
Education is a fantastic place to start. But is should be just that- a starting point. No one piece of advice will be able to fully capture each and every unique situation. There are nuances and exceptions in the messiness of love in real life.
There are so many factors to explore and to consider when breaking down general advise.
This can include deeper questions such as:
What is someone's intention?
What is causing/contributing to the behaviour?
How do we allow for others to go through a hard time and still maintain a relationship with them?
When is it time to end the relationship?
How and when do you know there is no hope for change?
Is it ok to "settle"?
What about core values and how these differ from person to person?
Yes, there is a time and place for general information.
Just don't stop there.
Dive deeper, reflect, ask yourself deeper questions.
All our relationships can be a mirror to get to know (and love) ourselves on a deeper level.
At the end of the day, no one outside of yourself can decide what is most important for you. Where you can compromise and what your deal breakers are. No one else should be in charge of prioritizing your values in your relationships. No one is perfect and no relationship can be either. There is a lot of grey in between the black-and-white advice out there. Use what you read to deepen your own reflection and self-awareness.
When you hit on what feels true for you it lands different.
You just know.
You can feel it in your soul.
It isn't always logical and it might even go against the grain of popular advice.
There is no rushing the processes of arriving at this knowing. With our deepest and longest-term relationships, it often takes time. More than our society and culture is often comfortable to allow.
Questions such as Should I stay or should I go? often do not need to be rushed. *unless your safety is at risk*
What if you could allow yourself to stay in the not knowing? To work on your own side of the processing street until the knowing arrives. It could take days, weeks, months, even years. There is value in the journey. Often more value than rushing to arrive at the outcome/relationship status. You grow when you do your own work. And no matter what happens in the relationship that is a gift you take with you into your next chapter. You are worth the investment.
Have you faced challenges navigating relationship advice? How do you balance personal reflection with external guidance? Share your thoughts in the comments below, and letโs continue the conversation.
Wishing you lots of love in all its many forms.