Maybe You Don't Have to Be Ready Yet

Sep 21

What Putting Yourself Out There Is Teaching Me About Growth, Visibility and Becoming

I was talking with someone recently who was trying something new.

They had decided to put themselves out there in a way they hadn't before, and it wasn't going particularly well. They didn't feel confident. They weren't very good at it yet. And, perhaps unsurprisingly, they were starting to wonder if this was simply a sign that they weren't meant to do it.

We talked about the discomfort of being a beginner. About how strange it can feel to be an adult and suddenly be bad at something again. About the temptation to interpret that discomfort as evidence that we should stop, change direction, or wait until we feel more capable.

And then something shifted.

Instead of asking, “Am I good at this?” they started asking, “What might I learn if I give myself permission to be new at this?”

That changed the conversation.

They didn't suddenly become confident or particularly skilled. They simply became more willing to experiment. To try something, learn from it, adjust, and try again.

And sometimes that is what growth looks like.

Not suddenly knowing what we're doing.

Not becoming confident first.

But being willing to be uncomfortable long enough to discover that we can learn.

That conversation has stayed with me because I am very much practicing this myself right now.

There is something I have been challenging myself to do lately that, in some ways, feels very small.

I am trying to get more comfortable being on video.

I have shared previously how I have recently been getting intuitive nudges to make areas of psychology and spirituality more accessible and available to more people. Not in a therapy way, but more as articles, workshops, groups. I am still in the unknown unfolding of this process, as I don’t have a clear idea of what exactly this will end up being.

But part of this guidance has been to expand into more voice/video content.

I used to hate being on camera. (I still don’t love it, but I have gotten a little more comfortable with it, and that is movement in the right direction.)

I would overthink how I looked, how I sounded, whether what I was saying was interesting enough, whether the lighting was right, whether I was rambling, whether I should record it again...

You get the idea.

And while I have become much more comfortable with it over time, I am still very much expanding my comfort zone. And practicing self-compassion and a growth mindset in the process. I am in the “messy in-between.” I logically understand this is part of the process of growth, but it is still not my favourite stage to be in.

I still notice that little voice that compares where I am at with others who are much further along in their journey in this area.

This little voice says things like the following (you might recognize this “part” in yourself. It can be a protector who is trying to look out for us overall, yet not going about it in the most helpful way in the present day):

Maybe you should wait until you're better at this.
Maybe you should get more comfortable first.
Maybe you should figure out the technology.
Maybe you should know exactly what you want to say.
Maybe you should have a better setup (better technology, a professional editor?).
Maybe you should feel more confident.
Maybe you should wait until you feel ready.

It is important to notice and to question our internal voices. Get curious, without judgement, but ask them open-ended questions.

What are they worried about?
When did they first develop?
What is their worst-case fear?
How would they like you to do things differently?
How can you work with this part?
What would help this part feel safer to help you take the steps you want to take?

Being Ready Isn't a Prerequisite

We often think of growth as happening in a particular order:

First, we become confident.

Then we take the leap.

First, we become comfortable.

Then we put ourselves out there.

First, we know what we are doing.

Then we begin.

Yet the truth is that so much of life doesn't actually work this way.

The doing is what makes us ready.

We become more confident because we practice. We develop the skill sets over time and with practice. Yes, self-talk and self-esteem matter, but we also have to do the thing to get better at it and earn real confidence.

We become more comfortable because we experience ourselves surviving the discomfort.

We learn because we try.

We develop the skill because we give ourselves permission to be a beginner.

And we discover what we actually want by taking the first few steps and paying attention to what we learn along the way.

And as adults, most of us don’t have a lot of experience or comfort being a beginner again. We narrow our focus in high school towards what helps us get good grades, what looks good on a college application, how to move forward in our careers. We become more specialized and competent. And we can become more uncomfortable and self-conscious with sucking at something new.

Young children can be our inspiration in this area. They don’t have this same self-consciousness. They do things for the joy of doing, without comparison, without ‘shoulding’ on themselves.

We lose this along the way, but we can reclaim it and get more comfortable (and even have fun) being a beginner again or doing things for the joy, even if we never get great at them!

There Is a Difference Between Being Unprepared and Being in the Process of Becoming Prepared

Those aren't the same thing.

The recovering perfectionist in me has opinions and is still uncomfortable with the messy in-between in growth.

It would like me to figure everything out first.

To have the perfect strategy.

To know exactly what I am doing.

To feel confident.

Then I can show up.

Then I can be visible.

Then I can share.

Then I can launch the thing.

Then I can put myself out into the world.

But that creates a pretty impossible standard.

I have spent a lot of time working on this part of myself, and it does get quieter over time with this work. The discomfort can still be there, but the knowing and trust in the process does start to tip in the direction of “ready enough and do it anyways.”

Because how do we become good at something we won't allow ourselves to practice until we are already good at it?

How do we become comfortable being seen if we only allow ourselves to be seen once we feel completely comfortable?

How do we build confidence if we require confidence before we act?

At some point, we have to be willing to enter the awkward middle.

The part where we are learning.

The part where we are figuring it out.

The part where we might look back at something we created six months from now and think, Oh wow. I have gotten so much better.

And that is actually a good thing.

Being Seen Can Bring Up a Lot

There is another layer to this that I think is worth talking about.

Being visible isn't just about technology or marketing.

For many of us, being seen can feel vulnerable.

It can bring up old stories.
What if people judge me?
What if they don't like me?
What if I say something stupid?
What if people disagree?
What if I am not interesting enough?
What if I fail?
What if I succeed and then people expect more from me?
What if I outgrow the version of myself that felt safer?

Sometimes the resistance isn't really about the thing we are doing.

It is about what being seen means.

And that is where I think the work gets more interesting.

The invitation isn't to eliminate all of those feelings.

It is to develop enough capacity to feel them without letting them make every decision for us. (To not have them “drive the bus” of our daily choices and behaviour.)

When we can feel the fear and discomfort and take even small steps to develop in different areas, the growth will come. Action can be more important than feelings at certain times in the process.

Growth requires courage. And courage always means vulnerability and discomfort are a part of the process. We can’t avoid this without keeping our life small. It is the cost of continuing to grow and to expand within life.

It can be uncomfortable, embarrassing or hard in many ways. But I will take this hard over the cost of remaining within my current comfort zone.

The key is learning to distinguish between:

“This isn't right for me.”

and

“This is stretching me.”

Those can feel remarkably similar in the body.

Sometimes we need to honour the first.

And sometimes the second is an invitation.

An invitation to expand our capacity.

To practice.

To experiment.

To let ourselves be a little awkward.

To be willing to not know.

To discover that we can do something imperfectly and still be okay.

We Learn Our Way Into Readiness

This is something I see in so many areas of life.

We want to know whether we are ready to leave the job before we explore what else is possible.

We want to feel confident before we put ourselves forward for the opportunity.

We want to know exactly what our next chapter looks like before we close the previous one.

We want to feel completely healed before we enter another relationship.

We want to know we will succeed before we begin.

In life, there are so many times where increased clarity comes through the process of exploration. One step at a time.

Not necessarily through rushing.

Not through forcing.

But through taking the next honest step and allowing that step to teach us something.

Then another.

We don't always think our way into a new version of ourselves.

Sometimes we live our way into her.

A Little More Permission

So I am practicing.

I am practicing being on video.

I am practicing sharing things before every word has been perfectly polished.

I am practicing letting people see me learn.

I am practicing being a beginner again.

And I am trying to remember that the version of me who is more confident, more skilled and more comfortable doesn't magically appear one day.

She is built through repetition.

Through trying.

Through making mistakes.

Through surviving the cringe.

Through realizing that most people aren't thinking about us nearly as much as we imagine they are.

Through doing something uncomfortable and discovering:

Oh. I can do this.

And then doing it again.

Maybe this is true for you too.

Maybe there is something you have been waiting to feel ready for.

Something you keep telling yourself you'll do once you have more confidence, more clarity, more time, more knowledge or more certainty.

Maybe you genuinely aren't ready yet.

And maybe that's okay. Sometimes there are steps that need to come first. It is important to honour that.

But perhaps there is also a small step you could take that would help you become more ready.

Not the whole leap.

Just the next step.

Reflection

Take a few minutes to sit with these questions:

What am I waiting to feel ready for?
What do I imagine I need to have figured out before I begin?
Is that actually preparation, or might some of it be perfectionism or fear?
What does “being seen” bring up for me?
What am I afraid might happen if I let myself be more visible?
Where in my life am I asking confidence to come before action?
What might happen if I allowed myself to be a beginner?
What is one small, tolerable step I could take toward something that matters to me?
How might taking that step help me become more ready for the next one?

I don't think growth requires us to throw ourselves into situations that completely overwhelm us.

There is wisdom in pacing.

There is wisdom in knowing our limits.

There is wisdom in preparation.

But there is also a difference between honouring our capacity and waiting indefinitely for discomfort to disappear.

Sometimes the next version of our life is on the other side of a step we don't quite feel ready to take.

And maybe we don't have to be ready before we take it.

Maybe taking the step is part of what gets us there.

That is what I am practicing right now.

If there are topics you would like to see videos on, I would love to hear your thoughts.

(These would be for general topics and not personal psychological advice, of course.)

Katie Turner