Learning to Live in the Gap between Ambition and Energy Levels
Something I keep coming back to over and over again in this chapter of life is the change to make peace with the gap between ambition and energy levels. The disconnect between all the things I want to do, experience and achieve. And my actual ability to do it without burning myself out (energy levels/capacity).
When I had less responsibility and the energy of a 20 year old I could go, go, go with little impact or consequence. It is not the same story in mid-life. If I push myself too hard my body shuts it down a lot faster. More and more, I am challenged to accept a marathon mentality. To pace myself and to accept that I will always have more I will want to do than I will be able to do on any given day.
I have been forced to learn that I am more protective in the long run when I listen to my body and mental health. When I honour my natural cycles and energy levels. When I allow myself to pause and to rest when I need to rest. This also means that again and again I am challenged to remind myself to pace myself. The project and goals I have take longer to hit. I have to let go of things that I would love to do and would be so excited about. I have to make peace with the fat that I can't do everything and do it all well (or even enjoy it when I take on too much at once).
I have done a lot of work on myself over the years. I am a recovering over-functioner, perfectionist and people pleaser. As the highly sensitive/empathic good girl, the oldest child. The one who was "so mature for her age" (a.k.a: taken on adult responsibilities and worries WAY too young ). I have done so much work and I have come a long, long way from my old patterns and defaults. I am grateful for my past self for doing the work and I continue to do my work.
Yet, the thing about our patterns is that many of them will remain our patterns. They can pop up in times of stress, transitions when our old traumas are triggered and so on. I have come to accept that part of these patterns are linked to my personality as a whole. Sometimes working hard, pushing through and being overly self-reliant have served me very well. And like any trait, there are times when it works well and other times when it does not. If any of this resonates with you I would invite you to reflect on what can help you to make peace with living in the gap between ambition and energy levels.
I have included some journal prompts below for your reflection
Reflection Questions:
What time commitments are realistic and sustainable for me to devote to my goals in this chapter of life?
What would have to give to open up more space?
If I continue my current pace, what is the possible cost or downside?
What am I willing to give up to make this happen and what am I not willing to sacrifice?
If I imagine looking back on this goal in 5 to 10 years, how does my perspective change?
What stands out for you? Share your thoughts below.